Escape
So there I was, on my way to work at 7:15 a.m today, shamelessly singing – no, jamming really – away to Enrique Iglesias, crooning like I was a Whitney Huston who had just shed her abusive Bobby Brown. Thanks to my neighbor who is gainfully employed by the likes of Musicland, I had gotten the CD free and could jam to it without reserve. Should anyone question my tastes in music, I could always slap them with my disclaimer that the music was free. After all, who’s not going to like a free CD?
And jamming I was. I had the music cranked so loud it was probably violating noise ordinances in Iowa and I was giving a performance that turn Mariah Carey green. Sitting at the already backed up ramp lights only gave me more of an opportunity to embellish my performance, adding hand gestures and mock-dancing as much as the seatbelt would let me. And it was somewhere between me belting out the words “you can’t escape my love” and “don’t turn out the lights” that I felt a pair of eyes on me, but not in an admirable-flattering sort of way. The eyes felt more like the ones you give to an outfit concocted of black spandex seen in the Mall of America, that seem to say and inaudible “OH-MAW-GAWD” and then give way to giggles. In the car next to me, Mr. Black Honda Accord was staring at me as shamelessly as I was gettin’ my groove on. For a second, the sheer terror of being caught made my heart stop. I’m sure I looked like an epileptic ready to take flight behind that wheel – or practicing up for Star Search of something of that sort. And then realized that he wasn’t the only one gawking. So I smiled. And I waved. And he laughed. And luckily the light was green and I drove off with Enrique still in the car.
Hope I made your day, Mr. Honda Accord.

posted by paula 10:31 AM

Random Observances Over the Weekend:

1. Toys R Us should be renamed Minivan Land.
2. The holidays are unconsciously stressful for everyone – married, unmarried, single, with children, without children, young, old, etc. – whether you think they are or not.
3. Children today come with mini-parenting manuals labeled “The Art of Denial and other Practical Parenting Advice for the Holidays” the most popular excuses used being “Because I said so,” “Because your birthday is coming up,” and “Why don’t you ask for that from Santa?”
4. Children are expensive.
5. Did you know that Motorola makes chips or parts for security badges?
6. The average individual consumes between 7,000 and 8,000 calories on Thanksgiving Day.
7. The font ‘Comic Sans’ should not be used by anyone, at any time, for any reason other than to make a non-verbal statement such as “Hey look at me! I figured out how to change my email settings to reflect the worst font ever made and I think it looks cool.”

posted by paula 10:08 AM